Used to be I could manage small talk with the best of them.
Having spent the last year wading through news reports for, at the very least, two hours a day has hampered my ability to effectively (and enjoyably) participate in mindless banter.
It is difficult to talk about the weather without automatically thinking of the various earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, mudslides, sinkholes, droughts and other natural disasters that are plaguing our planet. It is furthermore difficult to give a flying hoot about whether or not the beloved sports team of choice is doing well when brothers and sisters in Christ are being imprisoned or slaughtered in other areas of the world. It is hard to participate in the heated complaints of how much the cost of this or that has risen when I am expecting our very economic system to collapse any day at the hand of Putin, China or-God help us-our very own government.
So, I apologize for not being the cheery sort who bubbles over with excitement at the latest craze or if I seem disinterested or even cold-hearted about the every day American’s first world troubles of the best place to eat in town or the fact that your husband has gotten on your last nerve by leaving his shoes in the living room. I also apologize if the hardwood floors in my house do not show your manicured reflection. I have children to train and protect from the grasp of the enemy. I have a special needs daughter that sometimes shows signs of schizophrenia.
I had, who I thought was a very good friend, to suddenly disappear from my life. When she at first did not return my calls I assumed she was busy and would get back to me when she could. That was six months ago. I don’t understand it, but I guess our lives have gone different directions. You may be thinking I ran her off with my
cold serious attitude. Perhaps you are right.
I realize I sound, well, cold. I’m not really. I am actually very happy and excited….God is doing a wondrous work in my life and who couldn’t be excited to see prophecy being fulfilled every day? It is just that so many people are so apathetic and lackadaisical they don’t want to hear “what’s new”, even when they ask.
For the record, I understand why most people would prefer to stay away from serious discussion….it is depressing and they feel powerless to do anything about it and, well, they have responsibilities and lives to live. So do I. So do all of us, we watchman, but we all have a different calling and different gift(s) of the Holy Spirit. I thank God for that, for it is obvious to me what my gifts ARE NOT (encouragement is certainly one of them as you may have guessed) and I am thankful for the encouragers in my community of believers. I desperately need the companionship of those who have a cheerful and quirky attitude on life. I like to laugh as much as the next person, I’m just not usually the one instigating the laughter. That is why we are called the body of Christ. We are all members serving a unique purpose for the edification of all.
Not that I am in any way comparing myself to the great prophets of the OT (I am a Nobody with a capital N and I mean that), but I imagine this must be how they felt. It is no wonder Jeremiah is described as suffering from depression. How discouraging and lonesome is the watchman on the wall who calls out the warning, yet his audience pays him no attention.
Yet, if God awakens me to another day tomorrow I will continue doing what I am doing, only hopefully with a little more fervor and urgency than I had today. Tomorrow night I will stay up way too late, again, just to research a topic God has laid on my heart because my daylight hours He has given to my husband and children. And I will rejoice in every moment of it because He has given me a job to do. He is Good. He is Truth. He is Salvation. He encourages the Lonely. He is my Friend. He is Coming!