A Lonely Walk

yahoo images
yahoo images

Do you ever wish you could turn off your mind? I mean, do you think too much?  I have always been introspective and analytical….cerebral.  Until recently, this personality trait has been no more than a nibbling in the back of my mind. It was controllable.  It wasn’t until I was born again that my mind has gone into overload.

Allow me to explain. I publically acknowledged Jesus as my Lord and Savior and was baptized when I was eleven years old. The next 25 years consisted first of “Bible beating” my peers, to wandering away and buying into the lies of political correctness and extreme feminism in my college years, to sleep walking through my mid-twenties and early thirties. It literally was only recently that- during a depressed, dark time- I surrendered all and understood what it was for Jesus not to just be Savior, but Lord. While I cannot give you an exact date, it has certainly been within the last six months that I began to understand what it means to be born again and to walk in the Spirit while abiding in Jesus.

16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. Galatians 5

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.  And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12 (emphasis mine)

I look at everything differently now and I cannot shut off my mind!  Even while performing the mundane tasks of home making and motherhood, I am thinking. Sometimes I cannot help myself but to bounce some of my thoughts off others. Ya know, get their input. I call this intellectual/theological banter. They call it annoying.

This is where the walk gets lonely. Even the Christians in my life cannot see the value in setting aside a few minutes to think about/pontificate issues that do not directly relate to their busy schedules. The lawn must be mowed, car washed, groceries bought, fill in the blank. When I ask what they are thinking about when they do these necessary, but mundane, tasks everyone of them will say…”nothing. I’m just focusing on what I am doing or what I need to do next.”

I cannot imagine this….going through life with thoughts no deeper than what lays before me at that moment or what is next on my To-Do List. I’m not necessarily saying this is wrong. I just cannot fathom it. Even in during my decade of sleep-walking through life…my mind was churning with random thoughts that had little to nothing to do with my chores. I understand every Christian is given a measure of faith and individual gifts to make up the Body of Christ. However, it does get lonely when the thoughts I deem worthy of mental energy are shrugged off by my friends and family, and what they want to talk about is-in my mind-a waste of time.

For example: I am told, “I don’t have time to consider what is happening in Syria, or the Gosnell trial or the riots in Sweden. There’s nothing I can do about any of it, so why bother thinking/talking about it? Sure, times are evil and we are in what must be the last days but I cannot spend much time contemplating prophecy-what’s going to happen is going to happen.” (Which is basically, saying to me, shut up cause my life is more full than yours cause obviously you have too much time on your hands if you are thinking about current events and theological issues.) Meanwhile, I am thinking (but I don’t say so, cause that would be way too rude and hurtful and while I am honest, I do not lack tact), “why should I care about the latest knick-knack you picked up at Hobby Lobby or how you’ve got this and this to do or what so-and-so said about so-and-so? Don’t you know we could be raptured at any moment? THIS is what consumes your thoughts?”.

Ah, we each have our own walk and we must all work out our salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12). Still, I wonder-am I nuts for giving a hoot about current events and topics pertaining to God’s Word (while not in “church”)?  Some times I feel as though I am beating my head against a wall wishing those I love would have that “light bulb” moment that Jesus is about to return. We are living in exciting and important times. Why do so few people “get” this? Lots of people say they do, but I cannot help but doubt it because if they did they wouldn’t be so concerned about the day-to-day but instead be excited and looking up as they went about their day.